the first

Lately, I’ve been feeling the urge to explore my creative side more. We just passed six months in Korea, and I have felt the urge to try new things. I originally thought, “oh I’ll just resurrect my old blog and write a bit.” Turns out, my website was no longer hosted and it was directing to some weird Russian website. So, first things first. Wipe it and start again because there was no saving that mess.

I’ve always wanted to try to write down my thoughts consistently, not that I find them profound in any way, but because for some reason, I feel like writing has a way of helping me sort through my emotions. I have a tendency to hyper fixate on problems, mistakes, and lived trauma, and I thought maybe writing it down might help me to get past it and not dwell on the negative or heavy thoughts weighing me down. These patterns often lead directly to me experiencing executive dysfunction, something that has certainly become more of a problem as I have gotten older. So, I am going to try. I want to write when I’m feeling a particularly strong emotion, whatever that emotion may be. So, I’m going to start that today.

Yesterday, Dolly Parton, a hero to many, but to me my first beloved idol, passed away. I was actually really surprised just how hard that hit me. I spent most of the morning sobbing. I cried throughout the day just randomly, and I found myself unable to really get much work done. Eventually all of the crying led to a migraine. (Heavy crying is one of my triggers for some reason…not great for someone that cries as easily as I do…)

I want to share what I posted on social media here.

Growing up, Dolly Parton was my childhood hero. I spent many great days with my family at Dollywood and in the beautiful Smoky Mountains.

My East Tennessee heart is broken today. This is the only photo of me at Dollywood I could find with me here in Korea, but I’m sure I have countless others, including one of me in 1st grade, dressed up as Dolly for a talent show, complete with my dad’s socks stuffed in my dress top for… enhancement. I sang and danced to “Why’d You Come in Here Lookin’ Like That.” I don’t remember exactly, but I think I got second place?

So much of her music is also a part of me. I owned and learned many of her albums by heart. She was truly a fantastic songwriter and musician.

Dolly was truly a light in this world. We should all strive to live, give, and care, just like her.

https://open.spotify.com/embed/track/1ifuFtbefF4zWaLpmuoyss?utm_source=generator&si=4f309e4a722649b3